A Penny for Your Thoughts…

As if made of metals, attraction between two people has been likened to those of magnets. The magnetic theory of attraction basically tells us that like poles repel and opposite poles attract. I suppose it is logical to come up with the conclusion that the same is true for the attraction between man and woman. This is if we are dealing with people who are hell bent on making a whole out of two halves, which is also consistent with the theory of soulmates. However unlike magnets, which will always repel like poles, man and woman who are very much alike can find themselves attracted to each other. How long the attraction may last is another issue altogether best left to discuss another time.

Before I can begin a dissertation on this theory of attraction, what would qualify as an opposite of something or someone? If we talk of gender, as in man being attracted to woman, we know this is not always the case. Take for instance the homosexual who is attracted to members of the same sex. Well, maybe it’s talking about the physical attributes of a person. But I wonder what (or who) would be one’s opposite? I don’t have an identical twin and everyone else is physically unlike me but I don’t find myself attracted to everyone in this world. Or maybe opposite in the sense of character or attitude? Like the weak gets drawn to the strong or vice versa. But I know of some strong people who get turned off by the weak. These are usually the kind of people who believe that they should be with an equal.

I look back at my past relationships and those of my friends to try to make sense of why we choose to be with the person we are with. Or better yet – why we find ourselves drawn to the people we find ourselves attracted to. I can only come up with the conclusion that the person we are attracted or drawn to depends largely on what stage we are in our lives – how we feel about ourselves at that point in our life.

Right about the time puberty hits, we all go into a phase of discovery, trying to find our identities. Usually, at this stage, we find ourselves drawn to the people we want or ought to be. Like the meek girl having the biggest crush on the most popular guy in school. Or the self-conscious boy playing slave to the prettiest chick in school. The subconscious yearning to be with a person who represents what and where we wish we were at that point in our life but are not – for different reasons.

Well, if you’re reading this and you’re either in your twenties or thirties, don’t congratulate yourself just yet, that phase isn’t confined to when puberty hits. For a lot of people who have yet to find their own identities – the one they’re most comfortable with – the attraction to this person who best represents their innermost yearnings can go on even to adulthood. It somehow gives you the consolation that if you can’t be like him (or her) you might as well be with that him (or her). This doesn’t seem so bad save for the fact that we end up feeling less then when we came into the relationship. Inferiority complex sets in after the initial honeymoon stage.

Beware that you don’t fall into the trap of getting drawn to a person who reminds you of what you hate the most about yourself. This is a fatal attraction. Well maybe fatal is too strong (dramatic) a word; destructive is more appropriate in such an instance. This usually means you are not being completely honest about yourself. You feel no need to address your own issues anymore. And that person is a constant reminder of your hypocrisy and your inability to deal with your own issues with yourself – that you’d rather deal with the same issues but someone else’s (not yours) is your only consolation which leaves you nowhere up but downhill. Why? Coz you eventually end up treating the other person the way others who know about your flaws have maltreated you or abused you (verbally, emotionally or even physically, as in some extreme cases).

There is that false sense of security from feeling that you are better than the person you are with or the person you find yourself attracted to. Especially when you know deep inside of you is that nagging feeling that you’re no better than the other person.

Then there’s that phase, (which I think most of us should achieve for) when you have found yourself. Finally, you’re comfortable in your own skin. And whatever confidence or self-esteem you have comes from knowing your own person and being able to deal with yourself and how others deal with you. This is no longer about who’s better than who. Neither is it about finding an equal. It’s about knowing who you really are and accepting yourself. You know your strengths and your weaknesses. You are able to use these to your advantage while still striving to better yourself. I call this the ideal relationship phase. I think its only here when one is able to objectively find the perfect mate for himself (or herself). The soulmate. The other half. This is the phase where opposites should attract.

It is about finding the person who will complement your being. That one person who makes you whole (so to speak). This person is ideally that one person who had the strengths over your weaknesses and whose weaknesses are your strengths. Together you make a great team. If you are able to work well together. Such a partner however should be able to recognize this and feel the same way about you. Otherwise you are simply in for the never underrated unrequited love.

Let me emphasize that all these observations do not take into account physical attraction between two people. Well, if you happen to find your “soulmate” physically attractive and there’s all that sexual chemistry between you two, then good for you!

To my mind, more than the attraction, chemistry, and other what have you’s out there, respect is still is the best kept secret to a lasting relationship, whether it be friendship or marital. Respect for the other person’s thoughts, opinions, sexuality, work, character and choices. With respect comes love, but unfortunately we do not necessarily respect the people we love.

Im still trying to find the me I wanna be and ought to be. So I know that no matter how hard I look, even if the “right” guy comes along or may already be around, I will never see him for what he is until ive finally figured out myself. Only then can I be ready, willing and able to sustain a relationship with someone other than myself. And I think the same should go for the guy im meant to be with. I want him to be ready willing and able to sustain a lasting and loving relationship by the time im ready. And if we do bump into each other at the right place, right time, right circumstances then surely you can’t and wont dare argue with fate – its meant to be.

P.S. In my case, pls let him be tall, dark and… hhhmmm… gorgeous! Wait!… make that smokin’ HOT!!!

Out of nowhere a thought creeps its way into my head: There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on Earth… I couldn’t help but arrive at the conclusion that in this vast universe I am actually not even a mere speck of dust but so much smaller to the point of nothingness and I got to thinking how arrogant I have been to think that what I did or do in the future matters… That my actions however small they may be would affect the world… That I exist to fulfill some greater purpose… And that I should spend my life searching for or fulfilling this purpose when it doesn’t have to be that way… Thousands of people die everyday and yet we all go on with our lives… Worse, the Earth could explode into a million pieces anytime and yet the universe wouldn’t care… In the end, we don’t really matter coz we’re just matter: something that occupies space.

Then the inevitable question involving God and religion comes in… Sure there may be a God. An infinite power bigger and more powerful than the universe itself… But then again there may not be one either… Nevertheless absent proof otherwise, I believe in a God, in whatever form or name he might actually be… And then there’s us, man (or woman) aka homo sapiens. Now assuming the story of creation is actually true, and a greater power created all of these – then why is man so important in this world? I only have one sure answer, the author/writer/ brains behind the biggest bestselling book of all time is definitely a man (or a woman). So who’s to say who’s right and who’s wrong?

I know that my knowledge of God came from my mother teaching me that there is a God. That we should pray to the same God for everything that happens in our lives- the good, the bad, and more so the worst. For my part (and maybe for a lot of other people out there) I feel that my spirituality is a programmed one – one that I had no free hand in choosing for myself whether or not I actually believe with every fiber of my being that this is my truth. The kind truth I choose to believe in and live with in my lifetime. That is my lost God. Lucky is the man who finds his God.

Maybe religion and science are not meant to co-exist. And until the time man figures out a way to bridge the gap and fix the contradictions that defy logic and reason, there will always be people like myself – lost and confused in the sea of life. Hopefully, soon enough, we can figure out where we went wrong. After all contradictions do not exist. If you find yourself facing a contradiction, check your premises and you’ll find that at least one of them is wrong or missing. Then you’ll find the answer you’re looking for.

Until then, I can merely hold on to my bag of wisdom knowing that, at the end of the day, faith is all I got – for now anyway.