To Be Merry or Be Married?
About a week ago I got a call from a close friend of mine. She had great news. She got engaged! Needless to say I was happy for her, but I just had to ask her if she was absolutely sure she wanted to tie the knot. (Yeah, the writer’s a woman, no need to check again. Some of us also think of it as an end of an era.) When she replied yes – I rested my case. I wasn’t about to launch into a speech about how big a step it is to get married lest I dampen her happy day. Afterall who am I? I am not an authority on marriage. I have never been married, not even engaged. (Though I’ve been an the receieving end of a proposal, but that certainly doesn’t give me a license to lecture her! So here’s my one bit on the subject. DISCLAIMER: I respect the conservative view on the matter of marriage but I don’t fully subscribe to that train of thought. So I hope I will be afforded the same courtesy regarding my thoughts on the same. Everything you’ll read about is MY personal opinion.)
Yesterday, I got a call from another friend – a guy. And no, he did not call to tell me he was going to get married. He called to ask if I wanted to go together at another common friend’s engagement party next week. (Well, he did joke about it being his engagement party – I didn’t buy it tho.) I forgot all about it! I said yeah we should go together. We hung up. But that wasn’t the end of that subject.
Three days earlier, I found myself sitting opposite a partner at this law firm I applied at for my “job interview”. He asked me why I wasn’t married. I know I shouldn’t be surprised to hear personal questions in such a situation – so I wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t mind answering it at all either. It wasn’t as if it was the first time I was faced with such queries regarding my being single. So you’re thinking: Huh??? Nothing wrong bout being single and not married, you’re just 25! Ooppss… I forgot, lemme correct that – … my being a single mom! So what’s my point? Well, now I’m sitting at home thinking. What’s up with the marrying fever? Why do I get all “icky” with the thought of marrying someone? Is it just me, am I weird? Or is it the whole concept of marriage that turns me off? Or am I a closet romantic who’s secretly waiting for the “right guy” (is there such an animal)?
My thoughts on marriage? Theoretically, marriage is a covenant (canon law) and a contract (civil law). To my mind, marriage is a commitment. Not a bad deal if you put it that way. So why the cynicism? I feel that marriage is a big step. Whenever another contemporary of mine gets married, I get the feeling we’re getting older. I know getting into marriage doesn’t require one to be that old. You just have to be 18 (with qualifications) for it to be legally binding. Marriage, ideally, should be thought through. The parties have to be mature – psychologically capacitated. But more often than not, chronological age and maturity are directly proportional to each other (save for a few exceptional people I guess). This is probably why I feel I am getting older (and hopefully wiser).
I guess my cynicism comes from the many marriages I’ve had the occasion to witness or hear about fail for various reasons. And there are the couples who stay married (meaning living together) but have entirely separate lives. I cant figure out which is worse actually. Have a failed marriage or still be in a farce of a marriage. Though I also know a number of couples who are still enjoying married bliss – but they’re few compared to the former. A dying breed so to speak. Or (at the risk of sounding pessimistic) maybe if they still are, how long is it really gonna last? Is there really such a thing as forever – til death do us part?
Its not so much that I don’t ever wanna get married. I am open to the idea. What I have a problem accepting is the necessity for marriage. I think marriage is a choice and not a given. It is just one of the many options we have and should exercise responsibly in life. One thing I know for sure, i wanna be merry with the person I marry. (To be continued…)
